Hand Engraved Spyderco Knife: Breath of Heaven

Breath of Heaven is an illustrative engraving done on a Spyderco Delica 4 knife, or is it a spiritual teacher and friend? For me it is both, and I hope that it is for you as well.

The design is an attempt to communicate one of the simplest, yet most profound spiritual concepts I have encountered throughout my adult life. While many spiritual teachings seem intangible and far off, this one shows the intimacy and practicality of spiritual understanding. It also begins to reveal the tangible nature of spiritual teachings, that they are in fact speaking about our very anatomy as spiritual beings made in the image of God. When I began working on this piece, I knew the importance of illustrating the concept of the Breath of Heaven, what I did not realize was just how profound and all encompassing the unfolding of this teaching would be for me.

The initial intention for this piece was to illustrate breathing and being breathed by God; this golden figure, which I call God-man, breathing the golden thread of life into the silver figure, which I call Man-man. As I developed the design, I was reminded that the golden thread of life is also breathed through all creation, that all things which have life derive their life from the same source, and this source is what I call God. This brought up a reflection I have had recently on the name Yahweh, a name for God from the Hebrew bible. The name Yahweh is not pronounced “Yah-Way” but rather consider the sound of your breath. As you breathe in with an open mouth, the wind travels into you in a swooshing “hhhyyyyahhhhh” and out as “hhhhwyyyaah”. I believe that this ancient name for God is a reflection on the connection we share with God through our breath.

God-Man breathes the Breath of Heaven

Man-Man receives the golden thread

Another name for God in the Hebrew bible is I Am. This started to ring a bell for me and illustrate a certain universal truth when I was studying yoga and meditation. A very common meditation practice is to mentally chant “So Hum” as you breathe which translates as I Am (or I am that). When you inhale you say mentally to yourself “So”, and when you exhale you say to yourself “Hum.” When you repeat this over and over, it says I am that I am that I am that I am…. Which brings you into a serene state and helps you to realize a truth about your existence and the divine. Perhaps when God is identified as I Am (or I Am That I Am as in Exodus) it is showing that God is not defined, but rather a constantly evolving essence which is moving through I Amness along with us. 

So as I continued to create this piece, the symbols continued to reveal themselves to me. I made the golden figure and silver figure have golden and silver features, respectively, on their lips, eyes, and nose, and also certain places throughout their hair. This revealed to me the way in which the divine is present in all of our senses: in the things that we see, hear, taste, and feel, and even in the things we think. That there really is this all pervasiveness to God, and as I meditate on this I begin to feel God in all that I do. Like a friend who is right beside me, looking at life with me, and also in the things I am looking at, staring back. That every moment is in fact infused with the ultimate divinity. And so it dawned on me, that when we are touching the divine in all that we experience, we are living in our true state; that in these moments we are living in Heaven. 

We have all heard sayings such as, life is a gift, give thanks in all things, or rejoice whenever you face trials of many kinds… these phrases point to this truth, that even though life is complex and often full of difficulty, pain and sorrow (or perhaps even BECAUSE life is complex and difficult), that life is a blessing. There are countless stories over all of human history of people who have found peace in the midst of terrifying situations. People who bring peace, and light into the darkest and most dreadful places… I call these people warriors of Heaven. Of course there are times when we fall into the state opposite of this Heaven, when all of life feels as a curse and we feel completely disconnected from the divine. This is a state I know all too well. This is a state I know to be Hell.

Another lesson, as I pondered the Breath of Heaven, as I pondered God. Perhaps the most common question facing the warriors of Heaven today. If God exists, how can all of this suffering exist? If God is all powerful, and completely good, how could terrible things such as this happen? If we can choose to be in this Heaven which I have described, why is it that we find ourselves in this experience of Hell? These whispers seem to be lurking as a potential around every corner; just as all pervasive as the presence of God. So as I pondered these things, as I continued to carve this knife, I started to ponder these figures in my mind. Small winged creatures, some innocent and bright, yet fierce and just; others decrepit and terrible, full of spite and malice. At this point, this relationship with God took on another dimension: the battle.

Since this state which I have described at length as Heaven most certainly exists, and this state which is known as Hell most certainly exists, why on earth would we travel between the two? Why would we not throw down Hell and in our triumph land indefinitely in Heaven? The battle rages on. At this point I have engraved a golden figure representing God, and a silver figure representing man; I have engraved the gradually unfolding leaf and vine representing the unfolding of life. And I am suddenly seeing these angels and demons; these cherubim and these nephilim. Yes, it seems that there is a battle, and the forces of darkness would seek to disconnect us from the experience of Heaven. Yes, there is a battle, and these forces for good seek to bring us back to the experience of Heaven. 

While I did not engrave these figures into this piece, the meditation on them was quite fruitful to me. If God is all powerful, and completely good, how could terrible things such as this happen? The answer to that question is ultimately shallow and defeating. There really is no good answer to that question. Why? Because that is not a good question. That is a question that is hurled upon us in our vulnerable moments seeking to disconnect us from Heaven, and direct us into our seeking of Hell. That is a most unfortunate question, and perhaps it is only defeated by looking at the question, and the source of the question. For any attempt to answer the question would bring you into the fold of the question, into the fold of doubt, of contention. 

No, we cannot answer these questions, but if we look at them with our heart open and vulnerable; if we look deeply into their source and their meaning, we can look at these questions while breathing in the golden thread of God. We can experience the utter heartbreak and terror of such questions, while still maintaining our firm footing in Heaven. For Heaven is not a place for those who are without mourning; but rather, in Heaven the depths of all feelings are there to be felt. It is the contention of Hell which makes those feelings unbearable, and sends us into a game of hiding from those feelings, from the gruesome realities which we do indeed face. It is in Heaven that we may stand right where we are, that we may recognize the holy ground on which we stand, and that we may feel the fullness of our fears, our tragedy, our joy, our courage… it is upon this holy ground where we may be at peace with everything and anything. Not because we have an answer, but because we have a completeness in our connection to God.

Breath of Heaven was an absolute joy to create. It hurt my body, it hurt my mind. I worked for several days for 12-18 hours with very little time for food, or sleep. I concluded my work at 4 in the morning, and proceeded to drive two days later from Northern Michigan to Las Vegas to show this piece. The exhaustion was immense, and I was in no way a perfect ambassador of Heaven along this journey. Yet, I was blessed by it. And I was blessed by this profound meditation on the reality of God and my relationship to God. And it is my hope that wherever you find yourself in life upon reading this piece, or upon seeing this artwork, that you would be blessed by it. That you would allow the golden thread of the Breath of Heaven fully into your being. That you would stand with me on holy ground and praise the God of Heaven. 

Breath of Heaven is available. To purchase this piece, click here.